Dad jokes have a special place in the world of humor. They are simple, pun-filled, and often so bad they become good. Whether you’re a new dad looking to embarrass your kids or just someone who loves a good groan-worthy pun, these jokes are perfect. They are easy to remember, quick to tell, and guaranteed to get a smile or an eye-roll. In this article, you’ll find over 116 of the best new dad jokes that are fresh for 2025. Get ready to laugh, cringe, and maybe even share a few with your family and friends.
116+ Best New Dad Jokes So Hilarious You’ll Forget Your Name
1. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
2. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom.
3. Have you heard about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
4. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, we went out and had a few drinks. Nice guy; he’s a web designer.
5. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? Apparently, he’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
6. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
7. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
8. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
9. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
10. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
11. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
12. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
13. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
14. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
15. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
16. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
17. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
18. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
19. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
20. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works much better.
21. Why don’t I drink anymore? Because last time, I told my boss exactly what I thought of him. Twice.
22. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
23. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
24. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
25. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
26. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
27. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.
28. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
29. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
30. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
31. Justice is a dish best served cold. Otherwise, it’s just water.
32. Why should you never throw grandpa’s false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
33. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
34. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don’t hate me because I’m a little cooler.
35. What do you do to have a space party? You planet.
36. Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer? Because he could not log on.
37. What’s a skeleton’s favorite type of road? A dead end.
38. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine.
39. What did the alien say to the landscaper? Take me to your weeder.
40. Me: “I want to write when I grow up.” Dad: “Why don’t you left instead?”
41. How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.
42. What did Elvis say to his landscaper? Thank you for the mulch!
43. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
44. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Time to go to sweep.
45. The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, cause I went right for the juggler.
46. I’d like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
47. What did the computer go to the doctor? Because he had a virus.
48. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
49. Did you hear about the famous pickle? He’s a really big dill.
50. I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,472 matches.
51. What do you need to make a highway in an art studio? A mile marker.
52. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
53. How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
54. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
55. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
56. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
57. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
58. Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
59. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
60. Can February March? No, but April May!
61. How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
62. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
63. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
64. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
65. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
66. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
67. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
68. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
69. How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one’s a match.
70. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
71. Batteries aren’t flat. They’re round.
72. I named my horse Mayo. Mayo naise.
73. Why did Dad burn the Hawaiian pizza? He should’ve used aloha temperature.
74. Did you pick your nose? No. I was born with it.
75. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet – I just don’t know y.
76. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
77. Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? They only permit a-low-ha.
78. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
79. I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate them.
80. I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
81. I finally watched a documentary about clocks. It was about time.
82. A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.
83. Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.
84. What’s green and has wheels? Grass! I lied about the wheels.
85. What do you call a line of dads waiting to get haircuts? The barberqueue.
86. Why are balloons so big? Inflation!
87. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
88. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
89. Why can’t you ever run through a campsite? You can only ran – it’s always past tents.
90. What did the pineapple say to the banana? Nothing. Pineapples can’t talk.
91. Why are pigs bad drivers? They’re road hogs.
92. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-guy.
93. How does the moon cut his hair? He eclipses it.
94. My dream job is to clean mirrors, because I can really see myself doing that.
95. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.
96. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
97. What state is known for its tiny sodas? Minnesota.
98. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
99. I had a joke about canned juice, but I just couldn’t concentrate.
100. I have a joke about procrastination, but I’ll tell it to you later.
101. How does Darth Vader like his toast? He likes it on the dark side.
102. To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: I hope you can’t sleep at night.
103. What’s the best kind of music to listen to when you’re fishing? Something catchy.
104. How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
105. I’m such a good navigator. A self-driving car once asked me for directions.
106. My boss said to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. So I went to work as Batman.
107. What do you call a sheep who can sing and dance? Lady Ba Ba.
108. Why did the egg have the day off? Because it was Fryday.
109. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing. Just a little wine.
110. I found a book called Solve 50% of Your Problems, so I bought two copies.
111. Why did the coffee taste like dirt? Because it was ground just moments ago.
112. Why should you never throw Grandpa’s fake teeth at a car? Because it will denture vehicle.
113. What do you call a vegetarian zombie? GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!
114. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
115. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food.
116. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
117. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
118. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
119. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
120. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
121. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
122. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
123. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
124. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
125. What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.
126. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
127. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
128. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
129. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
130. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
131. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
132. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
133. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
134. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
135. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
136. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
137. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
138. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field and had a brain.
139. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
140. Why did the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
141. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
142. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
143. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
144. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
145. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
146. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.
147. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
148. Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with too many sharp objects.
149. What do you call a pencil with two erasers? Pointless.
150. Why did the math teacher open a bakery? Because she was good at pie.
Conclusion
Dad jokes are timeless. They bring smiles, laughs, and sometimes groans, but always a good time. Whether you share these jokes at a party, a family dinner, or just to lighten the mood, they’re sure to be a hit. Keep this list handy and never run out of pun-tastic material. Remember, the best dad jokes are the ones that are so bad, they’re actually good!
