Dad jokes are the ultimate blend of wit, puns, and groan-worthy humor. They are simple, clever, and often so bad they’re good. Whether you’re a dad looking to expand your joke arsenal or just someone who loves a good chuckle, these jokes are guaranteed to bring smiles, eye rolls, and laughter. Below, you will find over 100 of the most clever dad jokes, each numbered for easy sharing. Get ready to spread some joy with these timeless one-liners and puns.
100+ Most Clever Dad Jokes Guaranteed to Make You Groan
1. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
2. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom.
3. Have you heard about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
4. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, we went out and had a few drinks. Nice guy; he’s a web designer.
5. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? Apparently, he’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
6. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
7. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
8. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
9. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
10. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
11. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
12. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
13. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
14. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
15. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
16. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
17. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
18. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
19. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
20. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works much better.
21. Why don’t I drink anymore? Because last time, I told my boss exactly what I thought of him. Twice.
22. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
23. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
24. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
25. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
26. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
27. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.
28. What did the crocodile wear to the beach? Crocs.
29. Why are barcodes printed on the sides of Norwegian battleships? So when they come into port they can Scandinavian.
30. Why don’t pirates travel on mountain roads? Scurvy.
31. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No-eye deer.
32. What did the police say to his belly button? You’re under a vest.
33. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here, I’m going on a head.
34. A magician was walking down the street, but then he turned into a store.
35. I can tolerate algebra, maybe even calculus, but geometry is where I draw the line.
36. I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he’s too baroque.
37. Did you hear about the king who was exactly 12 inches tall? He was a great ruler.
38. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1Forrest1.
39. What do you call a guy just laying on the floor in front of a door? Matt!
40. What happened when the French cheese factory exploded? Da brie was everywhere!
41. Watch what you say around egg whites. They can’t take a yolk.
42. What’s the best way to save your Dad jokes? In a Dadda-base.
43. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines. But cats can.
44. Why couldn’t the produce manager make it to work? He could drive, but didn’t avocado.
45. Why is my wallet like an onion? Every time I open it, I cry.
46. I was going to try an almond diet, but that’s just nuts.
47. I tried to make up a joke about a ghost but couldn’t. It had plenty of spirit but no body.
48. What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.
49. If your house is always cold, stand in the corner. It’s always 90 degrees there.
50. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalepeño business.
51. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing. It just waved.
52. Why didn’t the toilet roll cross the road? Because he got stuck in the crack.
53. I have a joke about being a rejected organ donor, but I just don’t have the guts to tell it.
54. Why was the nose sad? It was getting picked on.
55. What do you call bees that produce milk instead of honey? Boo-bees.
56. I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with. She said yes, all the rest had been nines and tens.
57. I believe that protection should be used at every conceivable location.
58. What’s Santa’s favorite state to visit? Ida Ho Ho Ho.
59. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
60. Why does a duck have feathers? To cover up his butt quack.
61. What does a robot do after a one night stand? He nuts and bolts.
62. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.
63. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
64. Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
65. My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I’d rather fork.
66. Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
67. What do you call someone who is a master at baiting? A skilled seaman.
68. How does a rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.
69. What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
70. Why is it so hard to argue with a woman not wearing a bra? She’s already made two great points.
71. What do you call a horny cow? Beef jerky.
72. Why did Piglet have his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.
73. Why do chickens wear underwear on their heads? Because their pecker is on their face.
74. What’s six inches long and has two nuts at the end? An Almond Joy.
75. How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one’s a match.
76. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
77. Batteries aren’t flat. They’re round.
78. I named my horse mayo. Mayo naise.
79. Why did Dad burn the Hawaiian pizza? He should’ve used aloha temperature.
80. Did you pick your nose? No. I was born with it.
81. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet – I just don’t know y.
82. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
83. Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? They only permit a-low-ha.
84. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
85. I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate them.
86. I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
87. I finally watched a documentary about clocks. It was about time.
88. A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.
89. Can anyone tell me what oblivious means? Because I have no idea.
90. What’s green and has wheels? Grass! I lied about the wheels.
91. What do you call a line of dads waiting to get haircuts? The barberqueue.
92. Why are balloons so big? Inflation!
93. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
94. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
95. Why can’t you ever run through a campsite? You can only ran – it’s always past tents.
96. What did the pineapple say to the banana? Nothing. Pineapples can’t talk.
97. Why are pigs bad drivers? They’re road hogs.
98. What did one hat say to the other hat? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
99. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
100. I’m writing a book about glue, but I’m stuck on the first chapter.
101. Try the seafood diet—you see food, then you eat it.
102. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France? All that was left was de-brie.
103. What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Radish.
104. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The space bar.
105. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
106. Why did the orange lose the race? It ran out of juice.
107. What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
108. What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.
109. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
110. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
111. Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
Conclusion
These 100+ dad jokes showcase the timeless charm of simple, clever humor. From puns and wordplay to silly one-liners, dad jokes have a unique way of bringing people together through laughter and groans alike. Whether you share these at a family dinner, a party, or just to lighten the mood, they are sure to make an impact. Keep these jokes handy for any occasion where a quick laugh is needed, and remember: the best dad jokes are the ones told with a smile and a wink.
