Dad jokes are a special breed of humor. They are simple, often pun-filled, and delightfully bad. These jokes are so cheesy and corny that they make people groan, roll their eyes, and laugh all at once. Whether you’re a dad looking to sharpen your comedic skills or just someone who loves a good (or bad) joke, this collection of 200+ best bad dad jokes is here to brighten your day. Get ready for some seriously silly, delightfully awful humor that only a dad could deliver.
The Ultimate List of 200+ Best Bad Dad Jokes
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
4. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
5. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
6. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
7. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
8. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
9. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
10. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
11. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
12. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom.
13. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
14. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
15. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
16. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
17. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
18. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
19. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
20. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
21. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
22. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
23. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
24. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
25. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
26. If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
27. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
28. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
29. I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
30. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
31. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
32. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
33. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
34. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
35. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
36. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
37. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
38. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
39. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
40. Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately, yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
41. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
42. I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
43. I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
44. How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
45. My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
46. My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.
47. What’s 90 degrees but covered with ice? The North and South Poles.
48. What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.
49. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
50. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
51. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
52. I’m thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
53. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
54. What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Radish.
55. The coach went to the bank to get his quarterback.
56. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
57. The first thing Santa’s elves learn in school is their elf-abet.
58. Ghosts are bad liars because you can see right through them.
59. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
60. All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank.
61. The pony couldn’t sing because it was a little horse.
62. RIP boiling water, you will be mist.
63. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but she said it’s just a bug that’s going around.
64. I ate a clock the other day. It was very time consuming.
65. I once wrote a song about a tortilla, but it’s more of a wrap.
66. Knock knock. Who’s there? Estelle. Estelle who? Estelle waiting for you to open this door!
67. Knock knock. Who’s there? Control Freak. Control Freak who? Okay, now you say, “Control Freak who?!”
68. Knock knock. Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut be afraid. It’s just me.
69. Knock knock. Who’s there? Egg. Egg who? Eggstremely disappointed you still don’t recognize me.
70. Knock knock. Who’s there? Dee Wilson. Dee Wilson who? They’ll hate you even more for getting that song stuck in their heads.
71. Knock knock. Who’s there? Surgeon. Surgeon who? That’ll really cut them up.
72. Knock knock. Who’s there? The Grammar Police. The Grammar Police who? *ahem* Technically, “who” is more correct here…
73. Knock knock. Who’s there? Bee Hive. Bee Hive who? Bee Hive yourself!
74. Knock knock. Who’s there? Cattle Drive. Cattle Drive who? My Cattle Drive your dog crazy!
75. Knock knock. Who’s there? The Ghost. The Ghost who? The Ghost is clear; you can come out!
76. Knock knock. Who’s there? Barbara. Barbara who? They’ll wooly love this one.
77. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat? Hits a gnome and runs.
78. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce? His wife was a total flake.
79. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa? A Christmas quacker.
80. Why do mummies like Christmas so much? They’re into all the wrapping.
81. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
82. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs? Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
83. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
84. What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
85. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
86. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
87. What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backwards!
88. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad!
89. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
90. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed to be trimmed!
91. What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies!
92. I always feel warm on my birthday because people don’t stop toasting me.
93. Where do you get a birthday present for your cat? From a cat-alogue.
94. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye, matey!
95. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish the moment.
96. What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake.
97. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
98. What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday? Thanks, I’ll never part with it.
99. What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake.
100. Doctor, doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake. Try taking the candles off.
101. Why do candles always go on the top of cakes? Because it’s hard to light them from the bottom.
102. Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer? She wanted to ice it.
103. Why did the cupcake go to the doctor’s office? It was feeling crumby.
104. Does a green candle burn longer than a pink one? No, they both burn shorter.
105. At work, we have a printer we’ve nicknamed Bob Marley. It’s always jammin’.
106. A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, “Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” “Of course, sir, which one?” Dad: William.
107. I’ll never date another apostrophe. The last one was too possessive.
108. What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella? A cheesy pick-up line.
109. England doesn’t have a kidney bank. But it does have a Liverpool.
110. What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
111. What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra!
112. I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
113. I’m thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland. The flag is a big plus.
114. I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
115. Why do bananas need sunscreen? Because they peel.
116. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
117. Son: Where are my sunglasses? Dad: I don’t know…where are my dad glasses?
118. You shouldn’t kiss anyone on January 1st because it’s only the first date.
119. Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
120. What time is it? I don’t know. It keeps changing.
121. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.
122. Is there a hole in your shoe? No… Then how’d you get your foot in it?
123. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
124. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
125. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
126. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
127. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
128. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
129. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
130. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
131. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
132. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
133. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
134. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
135. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
136. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
137. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
138. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field.
139. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
140. Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep.
141. What do you call a snowman party? A snowball.
142. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.
143. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
144. Why did the math teacher open a bakery? Because she was good at pie.
145. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
146. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
147. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
148. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
149. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
150. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
151. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
152. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
153. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
154. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
155. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
156. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
157. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
158. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
159. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
160. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
161. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
162. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
163. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
164. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
165. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
166. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
167. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
168. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
169. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom.
170. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
171. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
172. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
173. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
174. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
175. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
176. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
177. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
178. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
179. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
180. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
181. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
182. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
183. If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
184. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
185. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
186. I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
187. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
188. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
189. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
190. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
191. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
192. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
193. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
194. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
195. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
196. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
197. Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately, yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
198. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
199. I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
200. I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
201. How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
202. My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
203. My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.
204. What’s 90 degrees but covered with ice? The North and South Poles.
205. What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.
206. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
207. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
208. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Conclusion
Bad dad jokes are the perfect blend of cringe and charm. They bring smiles, laughter, and sometimes eye rolls, but always good fun. Whether you use these jokes to lighten the mood, break the ice, or just entertain your family, they are sure to make you the hero of any gathering. Now that you have over 200 of the best bad dad jokes, get out there and spread the groans and giggles!
