Dad jokes are famous for their cheesy punchlines and groan-worthy humor. But when you add a little dirtiness to the mix, the jokes become even more unexpected and hilarious for adult audiences. Dirty dad jokes blend clever wordplay with a naughty twist, making them perfect for those who enjoy humor that is a little risqué but still lighthearted. Whether you want to break the ice, lighten the mood, or just get a good laugh, these 133+ best dirty dad jokes will do the trick. Get ready for a wild ride of puns, double entendres, and cheeky one-liners that only a true dad joke master can deliver.
133+ Best Dirty Dad Jokes That’ll Make You Snort and Blush
1. Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
2. Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.
3. How does a wiener go camping? In a Wiener-bago.
4. My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I’d rather fork.
5. What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? Only one has nuts.
6. What does the horny toad say? Rub it.
7. What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair.
8. What does a hot dog use for protection? Condoments.
9. What does a robot do after a one-night stand? He nuts and bolts.
10. What is a long, wide thing that men carry? A tie.
11. Who is Cogsworth’s best friend? His candlestick.
12. What do you call an Italian hooker? A pasta-tute.
13. What did Pongo and Perdita say after they did the deed? “That hit the spot.”
14. Are you a pie? Because I’d like a piece of you.
15. How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? They grabbed him by the jewels.
16. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs.
17. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say to his new love interest? Show me the honey.
18. Want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle. Want to hear a clean joke? The white horse took a bath.
19. What gets wetter when things get steamy? Steamboats.
20. What’s 6 inches long and has 2 nuts at the end? An Almond Joy.
21. Why did the male chicken wear underwear on its head? Because its pecker was on its face.
22. Can I watch TV? Yes, but don’t turn it on.
23. Why did the ranch blush? He saw the salad dressing.
24. What’s hot, pink and wet? A pig in a hot tub.
25. Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend? Because he had a reptile dysfunction.
26. Why did the pool table laugh? Its balls were tickled.
27. What gets longer when pulled, works best when jerks and inserts into a slot? A seatbelt.
28. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
29. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn’t close his casket.
30. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.
31. Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
32. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing.
33. I get bigger each time you blow me. What am I? A balloon.
34. What’s Moby Dick’s dad’s name? Papa Boner.
35. What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s finger.
36. What did Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me!”
37. What goes up, lets out a load and then goes back down? An elevator.
38. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients as they leave? “Thanks for coming!”
39. What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
40. If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
41. Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.
42. A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
43. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
44. What did the O say to the Q? “Dude, your dick’s hanging out.”
45. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
46. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
47. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
48. Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
49. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? “Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job!”
50. Why did Jesus die a virgin? Every single “wound” he touched closed up.
51. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
52. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? “It’s not what it looks like.”
53. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
54. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
55. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
56. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.
57. What do you call a guy with a small dick? Just-in!
58. Why are men like diapers? They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
59. What type of bird gives the best head? A swallow.
60. What’s better than a cold Bud? A warm bush.
61. What do you call a guy with a giant dick? Phil!
62. Why do walruses love a tupperware party? They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.
63. Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they’re used to eating nuts.
64. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
65. What’s the best part about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
66. What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
67. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
68. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
69. Why did the male chicken wear underwear on its head? Because its pecker was on its face.
70. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
71. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
72. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
73. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
74. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
75. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
76. I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
77. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
78. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
79. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
80. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
81. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
82. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
83. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
84. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
85. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
86. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
87. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
88. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
89. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
90. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
91. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
92. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
93. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
94. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
95. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
96. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
97. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works much better.
98. Why don’t I drink anymore? Because last time, I told my boss exactly what I thought of him. Twice.
99. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
100. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
101. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
102. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
103. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
104. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.
105. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
106. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
107. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
108. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
109. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
110. What do you call a guy who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
111. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
112. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
113. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.
114. What do you call a guy with a small dick? Just-in!
115. Why are men like diapers? They’re usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.
116. What type of bird gives the best head? A swallow.
117. What’s better than a cold Bud? A warm bush.
118. What do you call a guy with a giant dick? Phil!
119. Why do walruses love a tupperware party? They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.
120. Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they’re used to eating nuts.
121. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.
122. What’s the best part about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
123. What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
124. Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
125. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
126. What did the O say to the Q? “Dude, your dick’s hanging out.”
127. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
128. Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
129. Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
130. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? “Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blow job!”
131. Why did Jesus die a virgin? Every single “wound” he touched closed up.
132. What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
133. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? “It’s not what it looks like.”
134. Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
Conclusion
Dirty dad jokes are a perfect blend of naughty and nice, delivering laughs with a twist that only adults can fully appreciate. These 133+ jokes prove that humor doesn’t have to be complicated to be effective; simple, clever wordplay and a little cheekiness go a long way. Whether you’re sharing them at a party, breaking the ice on a date, or just looking for a way to lighten your day, these jokes are guaranteed to make you laugh, cringe, and maybe blush a little. Keep them handy for when you want to bring some mischievous fun to your conversations.
