Dad jokes have a special place in the world of humor — they are simple, pun-filled, often delightfully cheesy, and guaranteed to make you smile or groan (sometimes both). Whether you’re a dad looking to expand your repertoire or just someone who appreciates a good (or wonderfully bad) pun, this ultimate collection of 126+ dad jokes is here to brighten your day. From classic one-liners to clever wordplay, these jokes are perfect for sharing with family, friends, or anyone who enjoys a lighthearted laugh.
126+ Ultimate Dad Jokes That Will Make You Groan and Giggle
1. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
2. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
3. Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just-water.
4. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
5. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
6. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
7. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
8. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
9. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
10. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
11. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
12. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
13. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
14. If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
15. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
16. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
17. I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
18. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
19. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
20. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
21. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
22. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
23. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
24. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
25. Have you heard about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
26. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, we went out and had a few drinks. Nice guy; he’s a web designer.
27. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? Apparently, he’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
28. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
29. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
30. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
31. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
32. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
33. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
34. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
35. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
36. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
37. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
38. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
39. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
40. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
41. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
42. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works much better.
43. Why don’t I drink anymore? Because last time, I told my boss exactly what I thought of him. Twice.
44. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
45. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
46. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
47. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
48. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
49. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.
50. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
51. Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately, yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
52. I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
53. I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
54. My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
55. My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.
56. Why were the utensils stuck together? They were spooning.
57. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
58. Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
59. How does a hurricane see? With one eye.
60. Where do polar bears keep their money? The snow bank.
61. What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister!
62. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
63. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
64. What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
65. What did the banana say to the boy? Nothing, bananas can’t talk!
66. What rock group has four men who don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
67. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
68. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
69. “Did you get your haircut?” No, I got them all cut.
70. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
71. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind. It’s tearable.
72. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
73. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
74. I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
75. What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad? A faux pa.
76. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
77. If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
78. Why couldn’t the dad help his son put his shoes on? They weren’t the dad’s size!
79. Why do parents always say, “Because I said so?” “Because science” isn’t always a good enough explanation.
80. Some graduate with honors, I am just honored my kids graduated.
81. I told my son I was going to buy him a book on procrastination, but I keep putting it off.
82. I told my kids they can be anything they want when they grow up, as long as it’s not taller than me.
83. My kid told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
84. What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.
85. I used to think I was a morning person, but then I had kids. Now, I’m more of a “give me all the coffee” person.
86. What parenting style do dads like best? Improvising!
87. I told my kids to stop playing with their food. So they started playing with their plate instead.
88. Being a parent means never having a moment to yourself—even in the bathroom.
89. It’s spicy: universal dad code for “I don’t want to share.”
90. My kids should have been born in a different decade because it’s cheaper by the dozen.
91. I’m not a helicopter parent… I’m just surveilling with love!
92. I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!
93. I was going to make a joke about the old bed, but then it fell apart.
94. Why are dads bad detectives? Because they only find the evidence after the crime has been committed.
95. I’m my kids’ favorite person to overthink things with.
96. Note to all dads of teens, keep a dog. That way someone is excited to see you!
97. What’s it like to have the best son in the world? You’ll have to ask grandpa!
98. Why do dads like bitter drinks? They’ve been served a cold glass of reali-tea.
99. Why pay a therapist when you have a dad?
100. I asked dad if he could make me a burger. He replied by saying, “Wallah! You’re a burger!”
101. Why is the accountant also good at being a parent? Having kids is taxing!
102. How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one’s a match.
103. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.
104. Batteries aren’t flat. They’re round.
105. I named my horse Mayo. Mayo naise.
106. Why did Dad burn the Hawaiian pizza? He should’ve used aloha temperature.
107. Did you pick your nose? No. I was born with it.
108. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet – I just don’t know y.
109. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
110. Did you hear that laughing too loudly is illegal in Hawaii? They only permit a-low-ha.
111. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
112. I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate them.
113. I finally watched a documentary about clocks. It was about time.
114. A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.
115. Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.
116. What’s green and has wheels? Grass! I lied about the wheels.
117. What do you call a line of dads waiting to get haircuts? The barberqueue.
118. Why are balloons so big? Inflation!
119. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
120. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
121. Why can’t you ever run through a campsite? You can only ran – it’s always past tents.
122. What did the pineapple say to the banana? Nothing. Pineapples can’t talk.
123. Why are pigs bad drivers? They’re road hogs.
124. What does a karate master get rewarded with while driving? A seat belt.
125. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
126. What do you call a baby computer’s father? Data.
127. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
128. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
129. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
130. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Conclusion
Dad jokes are a timeless form of humor that bring joy through their simplicity and clever wordplay. This extensive collection of 126+ ultimate dad jokes offers something for everyone, whether you love a good pun, a silly one-liner, or a groan-worthy punchline. Share these jokes at your next family gathering, lighten up a dull moment, or just enjoy the pure fun of dad humor. Remember, the best dad jokes don’t just make you laugh—they make memories.
