Dad jokes are a special breed of humor—corny, pun-filled, and often delightfully groan-worthy. They are the perfect icebreaker, mood lifter, and a way to bond across generations. Whether you’re a dad looking to expand your repertoire or just someone who loves a good chuckle, this collection of 154+ favorite dad jokes is sure to bring a smile to your face. Get ready for puns, one-liners, and classic dad humor that never gets old.
154+ Favorite Dad Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
1. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
2. Justice is a dish best served cold. Otherwise, it’s just water.
3. Why should you never throw grandpa’s false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
4. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
5. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don’t hate me because I’m a little cooler.
6. What do you do to have a space party? You planet.
7. Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer? Because he could not log on.
8. What’s a skeleton’s favorite type of road? A dead end.
9. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine.
10. What did the alien say to the landscaper? Take me to your weeder.
11. Me: “I want to write when I grow up.” Dad: “Why don’t you left instead?”
12. How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.
13. What did Elvis say to his landscaper? Thank you for the mulch!
14. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
15. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Time to go to sweep.
16. The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, cause I went right for the juggler.
17. I’d like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
18. What did the computer go to the doctor? Because he had a virus.
19. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
20. Did you hear about the famous pickle? He’s a really big dill.
21. I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,472 matches.
22. What do you need to make a highway in an art studio? A mile marker.
23. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
24. What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
25. I used to be a personal trainer. Then I gave my too weak notice.
26. Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
27. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
28. I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.
29. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
30. If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?
31. I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
32. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
33. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
34. How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
35. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
36. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
37. It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
38. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
39. Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
40. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
41. Can February March? No, but April May!
42. How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
43. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
44. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
45. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
46. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
47. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
48. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
49. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
50. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
51. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
52. You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.
53. Do you want a box for your leftovers? No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
54. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
55. How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
56. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
57. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
58. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
59. Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.
60. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
61. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
62. I’m thinking I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
63. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
64. What vegetable is cool, but not that cool? Radish.
65. Did you get your haircut? No, I got them all cut.
66. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
67. I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.
68. I used to be addicted to the hokey-pokey until I turned myself around.
69. What do you call someone who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad? A faux pa.
70. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
71. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
72. I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
73. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
74. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
75. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
76. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
77. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
78. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
79. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
80. Have you heard about the restaurant on the Moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
81. My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, we went out and had a few drinks. Nice guy; he’s a web designer.
82. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? Apparently, he’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
83. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
84. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
85. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
86. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
87. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
88. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
89. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
90. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
91. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
92. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
93. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
94. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
95. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works much better.
96. Why don’t I drink anymore? Because last time, I told my boss exactly what I thought of him. Twice.
97. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
98. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
99. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
100. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
101. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
102. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.
103. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
104. Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately, yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!
105. I haven’t spoken to my wife in four years. I thought it would be rude to interrupt her!
106. I wish my gray hair started in Las Vegas because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
107. How do you follow Will Smith in the Mud? Follow the fresh prints.
108. My kid is blaming me for ruining their birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was today!
109. My kid gave me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor.
110. What’s 90 degrees but covered with ice? The North and South Poles.
111. What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.
112. What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
113. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
114. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
115. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
116. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
117. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
118. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
119. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
120. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food.
121. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
122. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
123. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
124. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
125. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
126. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
127. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
128. Why did the picture go to prison? Because it was framed.
129. What state is known for its small drinks? Minnesota.
130. Why do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
131. How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
132. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
133. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
134. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
135. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.
136. How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh? Nothing, it’s on the house.
137. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
138. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
139. The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
140. Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.
141. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
142. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
143. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
144. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
145. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
146. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
147. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
148. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
149. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
150. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
151. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
152. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
153. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
154. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
155. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
156. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
157. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
Conclusion
Dad jokes are timeless and universal, offering a lighthearted way to connect and share laughter. This collection of 154+ dad jokes covers everything from puns and wordplay to silly one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. Whether you use these jokes to brighten someone’s day or just enjoy them yourself, remember that the best dad joke is the one that brings a smile—even if it’s followed by a groan. Keep these jokes handy, and you’ll always have the perfect punchline ready!
