Dad jokes have a special place in the world of humor. Known for their pun-filled, groan-worthy punchlines, these jokes are simple, clean, and perfect for all ages. Whether you’re a dad looking to expand your repertoire or just someone who enjoys a good chuckle mixed with eye rolls, this collection of 142 proper dad jokes will deliver endless amusement. Get ready to smile, cringe, and maybe even laugh out loud as you explore this extensive list of classic and fresh dad jokes.
142 Proper Dad Jokes to Make You Laugh So Hard You’ll Snort!
1. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
2. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
3. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
5. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
6. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
7. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
8. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
9. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
11. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
12. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
13. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
14. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
15. Justice is a dish best served cold. Otherwise, it’s just water.
16. Why should you never throw grandpa’s false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
17. Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They always drop their needles.
18. What did the lunch box say to the refrigerator? Don’t hate me because I’m a little cooler.
19. What do you do to have a space party? You planet.
20. Why couldn’t the tree get on his computer? Because he could not log on.
21. What’s a skeleton’s favorite type of road? A dead end.
22. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, just a little wine.
23. What did the alien say to the landscaper? Take me to your weeder.
24. Me: “I want to write when I grow up.” Dad: “Why don’t you left instead?”
25. How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them.
26. What did Elvis say to his landscaper? Thank you for the mulch!
27. Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? He was too far out!
28. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? Time to go to sweep.
29. The other day I was attacked by a bunch of circus clowns in a parking lot. I won though, cause I went right for the juggler.
30. I’d like to shout out sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
31. What did the computer go to the doctor? Because he had a virus.
32. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear.
33. Did you hear about the famous pickle? He’s a really big dill.
34. I went on Amazon to buy a lighter but all they had were 3,472 matches.
35. What do you need to make a highway in an art studio? A mile marker.
36. Why did the baseball player get fired? He ran 3 bases then walked home.
37. Why don’t fish play basketball? Because they’re scared of the net.
38. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
39. What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
40. My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.
41. I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks!
42. Where do basketball players go when they need a uniform? New Jersey.
43. Why don’t football players wear glasses? It’s a contact sport.
44. What’s the best animal in soccer? A score-pion.
45. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby? One takes a snap, one takes a nap.
46. I used to be addicted to basketball, but I rebounded.
47. Why can’t pigs play soccer? They hog the ball.
48. Why shouldn’t you play tennis in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
49. What does a sports fan have in common with an angry chicken? A foul mouth.
50. Why couldn’t the baby score in basketball? He was always dribbling.
51. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
52. How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.
53. How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? By its bark.
54. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
55. It’s inappropriate to make a “dad joke” if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
56. What do you call a hot dog on wheels? Fast food!
57. Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
58. Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
59. Can February March? No, but April May!
60. How do lawyers say goodbye? We’ll be suing ya!
61. Wanna hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.
62. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
63. Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
64. I could tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.
65. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
66. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
67. I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.
68. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.
69. Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
70. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
71. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
72. Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because its mother was in a jam.
73. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.
74. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
75. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.
76. What kind of car does a sheep like to drive? A Lamborghini.
77. What do you call someone who won’t stick to a diet? A desserter.
78. What did the accountant say while auditing a document? This is taxing.
79. What did the two pieces of bread say on their wedding day? It was loaf at first sight.
80. If you see a burglary at an Apple store, you become an iWitness.
81. If the early bird gets the worm, I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
82. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
83. I signed up for a marathon, but how will I know if it’s the real deal or just a run through?
84. When you have a bladder infection, urine trouble.
85. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna One, Anna Two!
86. What did the juicer say to the orange during self-quarantine? Can’t wait to squeeze you!
87. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear!
88. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
89. Someone told me that I should write a book. I said, “That’s a novel concept.”
90. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
91. Have you heard about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? Apparently, he’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
92. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
93. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
94. Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable.
95. I have a fear of speed bumps. But I’m slowly getting over it.
96. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
97. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
98. What does a baby computer call his father? Data.
99. What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barberqueue.
100. How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
101. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
102. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
103. What do you call bears with no ears? B.
104. “Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.
105. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
106. Why should you never brush your teeth with your left hand? Because a toothbrush works much better.
107. Why don’t I drink anymore? Because last time, I told my boss exactly what I thought of him. Twice.
108. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
109. What’s the difference between a man’s wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.
110. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
111. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
112. Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
113. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s really heavy, and the other’s a little lighter.
114. I told my wife she was right. She said, “About what?” I said, “Exactly.”
115. My kid asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall.” I said maybeeeee.
116. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She hugged me.
117. What’s a dad’s favorite app? Nap-chat.
118. I asked the bank for a loan to start a chicken farm. They said it was a poultry amount.
119. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant… but then I changed my mind.
120. Why did the kid throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
121. My car’s headlights stopped working… I guess they’re feeling a little dim.
122. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
123. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
124. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
125. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
126. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
127. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
128. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
129. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
130. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
131. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
132. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
133. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
134. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because he felt crummy.
135. What do you call fake noodles? An impasta.
136. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
137. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
138. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
139. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.
140. What do you call a fish that wears a crown? King Neptune.
141. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
142. What do you call a snowman party? A meltdown.
Conclusion
Dad jokes are a timeless form of humor that bring joy and laughter across generations. Their simple wordplay and wholesome punchlines make them perfect for any occasion, lightening moods and creating fun moments. With these 142 proper dad jokes, you now have a treasure trove of puns and one-liners to share with family, friends, or anyone in need of a smile. So go ahead, embrace the dad joke spirit, and spread the laughter!
